11/11/11

Am I a Beggar?



“Madam…..I am in trouble…I have no food and shelter …..Will you please be kind enough to provide me food as I didn’t have anything for last three days….”The painful voice brought me back from deep thoughts to utter confusion as I was not sure about the identity of those thoughts….My thoughts were seemed to be fluttering and dancing in the air….This painful voice joined that dancing group and laughed at me as if they are much better than my own prayer.

In that muddiness, I found my hands moving involuntarily inside the bag and searched for a coin….I made sure that the coin is of the least value before giving it to the beggar. I looked at him with a clear expression of indisposition as I was getting late for the shopping. I parked my car in the parking lot and went inside the shopping mall. I was shopping for my seven year old daughter who wanted me to get the dancing doll. Even though, she was thankful to me for all the dolls I gave, she was not ready to compromise with whatever options I had given her. She always reminded me of not getting the dancing doll. Yesterday evening her sweet voice had turned into a tone of warning and instructed me that “Mom, today you must get me the dancing doll” and so, I was hurrying myself to find the dancing doll.

I finally could find the best dancing doll available in the city and made the shop keeper to pack it well and pasted a loving card on the packet. While returning to the car, I saw the same beggar sitting in front of the parking area begging to people. As habituated he repeated the same words to me once again, but stopped it when he could realize that I have already given my share of coins to him. The beggar’s face looked as if he does not know the meaning of the term dignity. As I was really rushing to see the happy face of my daughter, I didn’t even think of taking a second look to the beggar and I drove home.

My daughter was waiting for me at the door, she came running towards me and asked for the doll. I was thrilled to give her the doll as I could see the unlimited amount of happiness and thanks in her eyes. She ran to neighbors’   place and showed her new doll to her friend, my neighbors’ daughter. I was happy to see an immense measure of dignity in her eyes….She is now the proud owner of the dancing doll…..after showing her new doll to the neighbor she again joined me and was holding my hands as if I am her everything. I could see the depth of dependence she has in me.

After completing all the routine work, I fed my daughter and made her sleep. I made sure that she is safe and comfortable before moving to the bed. On the bed I closed my eyes and prayed to God, “God,  …..I am in trouble…Will you please be kind enough to provide me food, shelter, clothes, happiness and a happy and luxurious life  as I cannot earn it for myself….”  After the prayer, I closed my eyes and craved to have a sound sleep, but could not as something was disturbing me…Later in the midnight, I have seen God standing before me with all his mighty powers. His hands were searching in his pocket to find the coin of the least value….I wanted to see my face in a mirror….I could see my face and it seemed like “I don’t know the meaning of the term dignity”. I wanted to ask God, why? why is he searching for the coin of least value…but I could not…..as I found myself shameful while God was rushing as he must get the best gift to someone else….I was shocked to see that……

When I opened my eyes I could see that it was a dream……But that dream was like an eye opener…..I looked at my daughter who was sleeping beside me…..looking at her face, I could understand the reason why God was busy….I then closed my eyes and told him…..Lord, I am sorry…..sorry for everything….sorry for the moments I pained you…..My heart was full of thanks …..I could see a feeling of thanks in my own eyes as I always have seen in my daughter’s eyes….I then told God, “Lord, I love you….” I am your child….I want to be with you….I want to hold your hands forever as my daughter does with me….Then I got blessed with a sound sleep….A sleep without any disturbance, which I lost many years back……..My sound sleep was like a statement that states "I am not a beggar"


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Jisha Jagadeesh

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It's Me The Miracle by Jisha Jagadeesh is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License