Im not sure whether tomorrow waits for me as death may meet tonight.
Being uncertain about my future,
I kept the last flower of my garden for you as I did with the first one.
Being not sure about my life,
I left the last thought unnamed, as I don't remember the first.
Being confused about my visions,
I want my last sight to be your face
as you remained since the first.
Being ignorant about future knowledge, I held the last voice without articulate, as I promised.


Without you

Insisted by the rays of light, I woke up without a reason.
Compelled by someone's effort, I ate a lot without hunger.
Tempted by an innocent soul, I smiled without happiness.
Marked by the lines of clock,  I closed my eyes to sleep.
Though I could wake up like a machine, without a reason to wake.
Though I could eat like a machine, without any desire to eat
Though I could smile when there was a lot to make me cry
I couldn't sleep as I am not a machine but a human being
A human being who misses you a lot
A human being who doesn't want to wake up without you
A human being who doesn't like to eat without you
A human being who forgot to smile without you.


That dark girl is my friend

"Don't touch her,  don't talk with her, don't sit with her". She being the most beautiful and the most intelligent girl in the class,  I always wanted her friendship but my family kept me away from her.  Like all previous attempts, this time also I failed to get her friendship because of the timely intervention of my mom. My mom seemed to be burning with anger.  I even scared of her beating me in front of 'her and other friends'.  I often noticed  her being avoided by other friends as well.  Though,  I tried to ask about this 'deliberate ignorance' to my friends, I never did get a satisfying reply in this regard. 

With the inherent innocence,  her deep black eyes carried a sense of boldness which was not common with other six year old girls.  Hailing from a traditional family,  I never expected a girl to have this much of courage. I became her fan because of the confidence that made her the first rank holder of my class even after suffering the pain of such numerous situations.

Why mummy? Why should I keep her away? Though my mom tried to make me understand some big things in life,  I couldn't make out the reason that denied me with the courtship of the smartest student of my class. Many a times,  I saw her looking at me with a high degree of compassion. She also likes my company and this knowledge made me spending more time thinking about the reason for this injustice. 

There is no doubt that she is beautiful but her complexion isn't fair.  Is it the reason?  May not be! !! Though dark,  she is very attractive.  She doesn't have a lot of dress and ornaments as many of my friends do have. She is not rich, might be this I guessed. But she is not the only poor girl in the class. So wealth is not the criteria  for this discrimination.  Unlike many of my classmates who ignored her,  she sings and dances well.  She is very good at sports academics and other activities.  She has so many desired qualities,  yet being avoided by the society.

I saw teachers who used to be unhappy with her good scores that happened to be the best in the whole class. I never even thought of them having such a feeling.  Teachers can't be wrong! !! After several failed attempts to become her friend, I finally decided to share my confusion to grandpa who always understood my feelings. 

Grandpa, what is wrong with her? What made the society alienate her? What is her mistake?  Grandpa took a long breathe before answering my question. Darling, Nothing wrong with her, she is a very good child like you. God has the same attitude and love towards both of you. Alas!!! She is borne in a dhobi's caste


You made me smile on your birthday

When the white lilly failed to give my share of beauty,
When the Orchid couldn't give even a bit of softness,
When the jasmine made a mistake in doling fragrance,
When the entire world struggled to get me happiness
I turned my wet pair of eyes to you, my cute baby

Where I saw a face that hides all the beauty in the world
Softness made alive with your love and affection
With the fragrance of infancy,  you made my life complete
Sorrow of not having happiness went by for not to return
As I am gifted with perfection in your loving presence

Like beauty in the white Lilly and softness in the light Orchid

With lots of shine and glitter in the aroma of fresh air
Wonderful my lfe, you made as you never cease to amaze
Happy birthday my baby,  you brought the best in life
Like a visit made by heaven, your birth made me smile.



On a sincere effort to ignore that lovely memory,
The tempted heart recalled it with a great extent.
On a genuine desire to stay on his lap,
The unsympathetic world made me go away.
On a deep feel of getting loved like  an Infant,
The grown up world denied my urge to get loved
On a naughty lust to get tied within his hands,
The dismembered forces of nature stood on the way
On a bottom lined fight to understand my identity
The hidden dimensions of the me ceased to resume


When I am dead

Pain mounted, as I am about to leave this physical body
The body that was my home until now, will no longer be mine
The body that walked, talked and ate for me on this earth
The body that let me know about the happiness and sorrows
The body that was well known among the world as ‘me’
With several years of time spent together, I saw it grow
I saw it growing from an infant to a short and stout woman!!!
With the friendship of all these years, I love it very much
Leaving it is of course a pain as it entirely belonged me
Getting out of this body was painful for me and my body
Soon after I left it, somebody called it as a dead body
I could see someone rushing to the hospital with that body
Doctors worked hard and hard but I never can accept it back
For someone is waiting for me to be united with me forever
The thought about my eternal companion accelerated my pace
On the way, I heard a voice that prevented my heavenly joy
It was the weep of a bleeding heart that cannot live without me
Though my wish was heaven, I returned to my body to console him
By the time I return, they burnt my dead body to make him cry
Then a group of people came to my man to console him
One among them could see the entire world with my eyes
Another one could live with his lover again with my heart
My kidneys and liver also could save two lives each
All of them thanked my man and prayed for my soul
Neither my man needs their thanks nor do I need prayer


For you

I do smile though tears hurried to flow
For you who always want me to smile

I do speak though articulation was surd
For you who always listened my words

I do think, though ideas changed their way
For you who always encouraged to think

I do write, though thoughts defied to flow
For you who waited to read my poems

I do live, though I didnt want to continue
For you who forgot to live without me

I do love, though my mind insisted to hate
For you who never knew what hatred is


How special we are!!!

A day when everybody do smiles at another
A day when the flora reins each courtyard
A day when all have same cuisine and menu
A day when music is the basic feast and norm
A day when rich and poor wear fresh apparel
A day when swings dominate the life of kids

A day when dance brings women together
A day when each family has another reunion
A day when all are waiting for someone special
A day when we recognize how special we are
A day when we recall our supreme legacy
A day when all the harvest is brought home

A day that will never reveal its joy to others
A day that is specially made for Malayalam
A day that brings pride to each sons of my land
A day that is not only a celebration, but a passion
A day that is inscribed in the hearts of Kerala
A day that brings an extreme feel of intimacy

We keep this day in heart and call it as Onam
We resist you name it as the festival of harvest
We resist you limiting this day as New Year
We resist you christening it as tourist week
It’s our passion that can never be removed
Symbol of our bequest that reminds our unity


An assurance

When things went wrong, I looked onto thy face
As whoever looked at thy face is to be lightened
They hindered my way, while I was in thy pursuit
But you provided the strength that made me go
For me, you are the strength in my weakness
You are that that canvass on which I painted life
You are that river on which my life boat floats
Today, I feel me like the shore that awaits tides
That makes it wet from the abundance of ocean
I’m here to be swept over with love in abundance
The abundance of thy mighty love flew onto me
Eluded pains and sorrows to make me clear
Revisited by your love and powerful presence
I am assured of getting everything well done


The river flows without any flaw

The river seemed to flow without any flaw
What travails her to have this ultimate joy?
She sings a lovely song while she passes!!!
Each water drop dances while they move
Shallow water near the bank is transparent
It shows the truth that hidden under water
The concealed truth calls for some tears
The tears of the river will never be seen
With dirt and malice concealed beneath
The river still flows in joy without any flaw
She wishes to reach a place of exposure
Where she could enjoy liberty of vastness
The dream of enjoying the abundant room
Makes her happy through all the while
This made the river flow without any flaw


The Tail-end

A better half is the half of a couple
The half with a lot of flaws!!
So do, I became the tail-end of us

Being the tail-end, I forgot how to see
As the head is there to see for me,
he hid my flaw to make me see

Being the tail-end, I forgot how to hear
As the head is there to hear for me,
he hid my flaw to make me hear

Being the tail-end, I forgot how to speak
As the head is there to speak for me,
he hid my flaw to make my voice heard

Being the tail-end, I forgot how to walk
As the head is there to move for me,
he hid my flaw to walk alone in the world

You hid all my weakness to make me better
Called me the better half, though I wasn't
Making it a pleasure being the tail-end



Her desire was to reach the sun
His desire was to reach the moon

Though, love brought them together
Their goals never did love each other

She wanted sun who reigned the day
He wished moon who reigned the night

She wished light that lightens beauty
He wished light that lightens reality

Though days were hot, she loved it
Though nights were dark, he loved it

With goals being opposed each other
They decided to keep apart from other

With him, she will never find her goal
With her, he will never find his goal

Though loved him very much, she left
Though loved her very much, he left

She walked to the sun to see the beauty
He walked to the moon to see the reality


I am the winner, so the loser

Success defied following me, though I defeated my foe
Can anyone tell me how did I fail in this war?
I have no answer for I was just perfect
The armors I used were flawless
The arms I put-upon were great
The warriors I had were keen
I made the enemy outwore
I got her count death
I caused the foe to cry
All my efforts went in vein
My warriors ran from the field
All my arms lost its expected goal
My flawless armors tasted the bitterness
My travails and assays to tire out the foe flunked
Unaware of the reason, I looked at my enemy’s face
Oh Goodness!!! Now I knew the reason for my failure
I was fighting with myself: success and defeat both are mine


It’s difficult to ignore you

Oh sun, it’s really difficult to ignore your light
As it disperses to reach me to where I hide

Oh breeze, it’s really difficult to ignore your soothe
As it displaces to my hideout without permission

Oh thunder, it’s really difficult to ignore your sound
As it moves to my ears though I keep my ears closed

Oh dear, It’s really difficult to ignore your love
As it spreads everywhere from head to toe on me

Wherever I go, your love seems to await me there, as

Wherever I go, light of the sun makes my ways clear, as

Wherever I go, the solace of the breeze brings comfort, as

Wherever I go the sound of the thunder makes me afraid

I wonder, where is that land?

With a gold tinged plains in front of my eyes,
I wonder, was it not green when I saw it last?
Looking at the sky above was a choice to see
The sky seems dark and cloudy unlike the then blue
Is it the same sky that I left here while I leave?

When the sky couldn't let me identify my land,
I trusted the wind to show me the right place
Then the breeze was steered towards the north
Alas! Even the wind is not prepared to help me
They deny to appear anywhere in north or south

Only the trees, mounts and lakes are there, but
No fruits in any tree unlike when I left them
The water in the lake seems frozen and solid
The big green mount wears a shiny white coat
My confusion is still alive, if it the same place I left?

Where are those green fields and clear blue sky?
Where is that gracious breeze that made flowers dance?
Where are those pinkish fruits that made the tree lovely?
Where is that clean shallow water that made us filled?
I wonder where is that land, I left here a few days back?


The need

Sitting in front of the dentist for the routine checkup was not a serious process, but it’s a bit longer this time. Why the doctor is taking more time looking at the x-ray film of my left pre-molar? What is the problem?When questions tried to invade the heart, Angela took off her specs and cleaned it with her towel and placed it back on the face. This is the third pair of spectacles after the retirement. In fact, the time to change it is over before three months, but waiting alone outside the doctor’s office for the appointment made her not to go to the hospital. ‘’Your pre-molar is almost dead and we need to remove it. You must have someone to accompany during the surgery’. Angela slowly raised her eyelids to look at the person who said this. It was the nursing assistant. “Today, none is with me, is it fair if I arrange someone to accompany me in the next appointment?”

On leaving the clinic, she went to the department store to buy the cereals and vegetables for the week. She was not sure about the bystander who will help her to face a surgery at the age of sixty. Returning from the department store alone with the food items was not easy as expected, so she hired a taxi. Like every other evening, that also was an ordinary monotonous one. There was of course an addition: an addition of a new anxiety: an anxiety about the person to accompany during surgery. Trying to find a solution, she finally decided to postpone the surgery. Let the pre-molar decay by itself. She anticipated the future pain that may arise during the tooth decay, but it doesn't prevent her from taking this decision.

The next evening, while walking through the village road, ‘the pre-molar’ visited her thoughts once again. “As it is a tooth surgery, I could avoid it. If it is a serious health problem, how will I manage?” The question remained unanswered though she returned home. The question kept her awake that night.  Being awake, she looked at the calendar- 15th August, the eve of 14/8. That was a special evening in Angela’s life as it is the thirtieth anniversary of her being single. It was on this day; Stanley left her forever to live with Anne. Stanley must have celebrated this day with his wife as their thirtieth wedding anniversary. Why doesn't the society promote people to celebrate the anniversary of being single? It might because the man takes birth as a single on earth and that day is celebrated as the birthday. She laughed at herself for entertaining such strange thoughts.

Though such unintelligent thoughts brought a bit relief, Angela was still confused about the person to be with. Somewhere after the midnight, she slept without leaving the confusion. Next morning she couldn't make up to attend the church prayer as she woke up late. While reading the news paper, she wanted to discuss the current affairs with someone. She never had this feeling in last thirty years, then why now? She couldn't understand the latest developments in her own persona. ‘Rather than the change in persona, these changes are more physical’ she thought. When left by her husband, she was only thirty. In spite of the repeated demands from both Stanley’s parents and her own parents, she preferred to stay single. Being a childless woman, it was not difficult for her to manage a single life. Support from both her parents as well as in-laws were there during the initial stages. By the time, they were no more, her single status became a habit and she never did repent on her decision, but....?

But now, as she gets older and older she wants someone to be with, not for sensual pleasure but for physical and emotional support. She wished for the one who can speak with her while they have tea, the one who can accompany her during the evening walk, the one who anxiously wait outside when she is in the doctor’s room. Thinking about the past, she realized that she still stands in the same point where she lost herself, at the age of thirty. The mind still had the same wishes and desires, but the body doesn't support them. A partner is a necessity during youth, but it is a compulsion during old age. Though, she could see the reality of life, she couldn't convince herself. Yet, she started reading the matrimonial classifieds in the news paper.

Kitty in action- The aquarium

Kitty seemed curious about the movement that suddenly appeared in the glass box kept on the drawing table. Apart from a machine that blows bubbles, there are several other colorful objects in it. Even with repeated thinking, she couldn't understand how those colorful objects made swift movements. After a deep routed observation, she discovered that the box is not empty, it is filled with water and the colorful moving objects are not just objects, but alive. This discovery added her interest and she tried to identify the smell of those colorful creatures. After a research that lasted for a few minutes, she understood that they are fishes. Some of them have golden color whereas some others have blue color when a few of them are painted with silver color.

As hungry after the evening walk, she seemed to want all those fishes as her dinner. Making herself comfortable in a posture to jump upon the table, she looked at me to know my response on her plan to eat the newly seen creatures in the house. Though understood, I pretended as if I am ignorant about her dinner plans. As she felt me not interested in her want, she again shifted her focus to the aquarium. Then she looked at my mother’s face who was watching TV, without even having any interest in our affairs. As both of us didn't seem interested, the kitty stood straight. She tried to straighten her legs and tail together. This is what she often does, whenever she is on the verge of making a decision. Her very first attempt to catch the fish from the aquarium is followed by a quick slap on her face.

It took a few seconds for the kitty to recover from the shock. She couldn't even realize the source of that surprising attack. Being upset, she stared at me and growled. As I was not listening, she turned her head and looked at my mother, who was deluged in the tears out of television serials. Since my mother appeared to the kitty like a statue, she slowly walked towards her and growled in a very low voice. There was no response, so the kitty poked her softly to check whether mother is alive or not. Distracted from the streams of tears, mother took the kitty with her left hand and made it lay on her lap. While getting pampered by my mother, kitty looked at me as if my mother does not belong to me anymore, but her exclusive asset.

In spite of having the highest rate of enjoyment, she left my mother’s lap within a short period of time but with no doubts that it was me who slapped her. She stared at me once again and straightened herself out as if she is about to attack. On this development, I stand from the chair. My sudden move made her withdraw her decision, but she was not ready to give up. She followed me till the kitchen door and waited there for me to return. She took her old place on the drawing table when I came back to my seat. While I was busy writing, she tried to invite my attention by trying to catch the fish. Though, I made her not to do it, she continued her attempts.

In the mean time mother made to go to the kitchen and brought a bowl full of milk. As I was looking, she poured the milk in the kitty’s bowl. All of a sudden kitty forgot the fishes and made to reach the bowl. She drank the milk without fail and after licking even the last drop from the bowl she looked at me. A look that has a lot of meaning, a look with which the kitty proved that my mother loves her more than me, a look with which she showed me that she had the dinner much earlier than me. Next time, when the kitty sat on the drawing table she was gifted with an emotional superiority.

With the advantage of the newly gained emotional domination, she tried to irritate me with her repeated attempts, instead of me trying to irritate her. Somehow at a time when I was completely immersed in my work, she made to catch a gold fish from the aquarium. Instead of eating it at once, the kitty wanted me to see her win over my monopoly and she meowed several times keeping the fish in front of her. The fish was still alive when I see it. Though, it was not able to leap, the gills of the fish were moving. Mom!!! I screamed in the next second. Though, scared by my abrupt reaction, the kitty was happy and looked at me with a winning smile.

Mother who reached the scene in a second took the fish and put it in the water again. After a few seconds of dilemma, it regained its health and started swimming again. When both I and mother were trying to save the fish, the kitty was still looking at me with the pride of her win over me. She seemed to be happy on the fact that she could take the fish out of the aquarium and she is loved by my mother more than me.  It didn't take so much time for her pride to pave the way for sorrow as mom hit her with a stick. “Never touch the aquarium from now on” mother was really angry when she gave this instruction to the kitty. From next day, kitty assumed charge as the body guard of the aquarium. Both of us still keep irritating and loving each other. 


If you weren't there

I could have gone by now,
if you weren't there to wait for me

I could have blinded my eyes,
if you weren't there to be seen

I could have ceased speaking,
if you weren't there to listen

I could have stopped hearing,
if you weren't there to speak

I could have given up dreaming,
if you weren't there to be dreamed

I could have cut my tongue,
if you weren't there to make me taste

I could have ended thinking,
if you weren't there to be perceived

I could have refused sensing,
if you weren't there to be touched

I could have forget everything,
if you weren't there to remind

I could have been in curse,
if you weren't there to bless

I could have held imagining,
if you weren't there as inspiration

I could have looked the ugliest,
if you weren't there to arose beauty

I could have been poor,
if you weren't there to make me rich

I could have been weak,
if you weren't there to make me strong

I could have been in want,
if you weren't to provide
I could have been dead,
if you weren't there to live for me


The Competition

Restlessness being the key of the day
Ran around to find peace somewhere
A profound nap was a desire of the heart
Number of laps yet to pass, impeded the wish
Numerous laps that cover regular intervals
I wished someone to take over the next lap
But there was none in that end, made me run
Hurrying to the ultimate end, I saw me being lone
Am I alone here as all others are still behind?
Or am I alone here as all others have passed me?
While looking behind to see whether somebody follow
Heard a loud scream of joy from the ultimate end
Someone unknown made it to reach the goal
Wanting to see the winner, I hurried again
There are several long laps yet to be passed
Being eaten by the cruel and ugly desolation,
I want to escape from this race of rivalry
Yet, I didn't give up and ran steadily to the end
Reaching at the end was like a dream come true
It seemed the entire world was waiting for me
With great joy, I was recognized with a big award
Though in muddiness, I could realize the truth
The competition demanded the last one to win


Happy Friendship Day My Dear Best Friend!!!

Last night, I wrote a poem as today is friendship day. While starting the poem, my intention was to venerate friendship, but somewhere during the course I lost my goal and I flew against the current as usual. The output was not that good as I expected. But my husband was confident; he congratulated me for writing it. He told me that my skill is improving on a daily basis.  In usual conditions, I never used to return to my completed work to read it again. But, today I felt a bit strange on my own words and I returned to my blog as a very normal reader. I read the poem as if I am not the writer of this one.

While reading it, I felt pity for the poetess as she does not have a friend. The first line of the poem was, “If a friend is a person who likes my likes with smile, I am afraid I have no friend”. With the letters going through my brain, one face appeared as a background image, of the person who always wished to like my likes. I identified the same face with each and every new line of the poem, with a changed tag line. Being only a normal reader, my heart wished to make the poetess write as “I am joyful; I have you as my friend”. When I reached the last line, it read as “If a friend is a person who knows my inner soul, I am afraid I have no friend”.

Once I completed reading this work, I hated myself for writing this and for asking my own soul mate to read it for the first time. He has been everything for me since the day we met. He liked my likes, he supported me in struggles, he sympathized on my faults, he listened all my painful words, he encouraged me wherever I was about to loss, he stayed with me in tears, he walked several extra miles for me, he wished and worked for me to be a success, he loved me though I am not the best and above all he understood each and every wishes of my inner soul.

“I am not your friend?” I remembered him asking me when he saw the title, even before reading the poem.  Unintentionally, I didn't answer that question. But, he kept praising me for my writing skills. Now I realize, each and every word in the poem must have penetrated the soft heart of my soul mate. It must have been a hurt for him to the core. It must have offered him a great source of pain. Yet, he kept smiling. He was trying to hide his pain with his unexpected jokes. He suffered for me to be happy. If that is not the ultimate realm of friendship, what is it?

As I read the poem, I felt pity for 'me- the writer' who doesn't have a friend, but now I feel pity for me being ignorant like a musk-deer. A musk-deer wanders here and there in search of the smell that comes out of its own body. I wandered here and there in search of a friend without realizing my best friend who always is with me. He has become more of a habit that I can’t even think of him as a second person in my life. Yet, I couldn't count those blessings.

Dear Best friend, I know that you will never want me to be sorry as you love me so much. So, I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being the very best friend of my life. In fact, we don’t need a day to remember each other as we never forget each other even for a single moment. But this day, helped me to realize you as “the Bestest” of my friends. If I had this vision last night, I wouldn't have hurt you with that poem with penetrating lines.  If I could have this vision at least in this morning, I would have wished you a happy friendship day before wishing my other friends, as you are the one who deserves it the most. Better late than never, happy friendship day my dear best friend!!!


I am afraid I have no friend

If a friend is a person who likes my likes with smile,
 I am afraid I have no friend

If a friend is a person who trusts me without fear,
 I am afraid I have no friend

If a friend is a person who supports me in struggles,
 I am afraid I have no friend

If a friend is a person who sympathizes on my faults,
 I am afraid I have no friend

If a friend is a person who cares the words of pain,
I am afraid I have no friend

If a friend is a person who encourages me in loss,
I am afraid I have no friend

If a friend is a person who stays with me in tears,
I am afraid I have no friend

If a friend is a person who walks an extra mile for me,
I am afraid I have no friend

If a friend is a person who doesn't envy on my success,
I am afraid I have no friend

If a friend is a person who loves though I’m not a good friend
I am afraid I have no friend

If a friend is a person who knows my inner soul,
 I am afraid I have no friend


A failed attempt

A pair of eyes was observing her as she moved towards the door leaving the bed.  She looked at the clock that showed half past two. Though confused, she opened door with all the gathered courage and went out. Before heading towards the deep well in the courtyard, she made sure that no voice is heard from the house where her family was in sound sleep.  She closed the door without making sound. While advancing towards the well, she felt that somebody passed across at the back from left to right.  With an inherent fear, she stopped moving and looked around. Was it mom, dad or brother? She landed herself in dilemma and decided to return.  With no sound, she slowly opened the door and went to mom’s room. She was sleeping. First time in her life she felt that her mother is very beautiful. Dad was nowhere to be seen. Was it dad? A sudden glimpse of thought appeared in her mind. Carrying the stress, she left the room to the drawing room where she saw her dad sleeping on the sofa. Thank God, she was relieved and slowly moved towards her brother’s room. He was sleeping on his study table without even removing his specs. She gently touched his fore head, removed his specs and books to make his sleep comfortable. After switching off the light, she went to the kitchen and took a bottle of water from the refrigerator and drank from it. While closing the refrigerator, suddenly she heard a fluffy voice: voice of the one who possess those bright pair of eyes.

She looked at the pet and realized that it was the kitten that made her come back from the well.  In spite of her dashing hopes, she was thankful to the kitten as she could see her parents and brother once again for the last time. While she took the kitty with both the hands, the pet tried to cuddle towards her bosom. Without entertaining the attempt, she kissed the kitten and left it on the ground. The warm drop of tear that fell on her hands while leaving the kitten, made her realize that she was crying. The kitten looked at her eyes once again as if it asks whether everything is alright. When she sought to leave with no answer towards the door, the pet poked on her feet. The kitty was trying to convey something, but with not much time for the dawn, she left it in the kitchen and headed towards the door. Once again she opened the door without making noise and slowly walked towards the well.  Though dark, she could catch every part of the courtyard very well with the presence of the crescent in the sky. She reached the well and gazed at the water inside the well. The water is at a great depth. Rejecting the temptation for a second thought, she mounted on the wall of the well. While she was about to leap, suddenly the kitten whooshed from behind. In astonishment, she looked behind to see the kitten.

“I made you sit inside the kitchen and locked the door, then how did you come out?” she asked in a low voice. The kitten looked at the kitchen window as if it is answering. “Now you go back and sleep, it’s too late”. The kitten stayed there without giving attention to her words. It seemed to be curious at her unusual conduct and kept staring at her with occasional meows. She looked at the kitten and put her finger across the lips to make it silent, but the kitten kept meowing. During this time, the second thought entered into her brain without permission. If the kitten keeps meowing like this, it may wake her parents and then they may hear the sound of her leap in the well. Also, there is a chance of the well may not have enough water for her to be drowned. If there is not enough water to die, it will be difficult to get out of the well and finally might land in absolute failure. As a result of the second thought, she pulled herself back from the well. She took a small stone from the courtyard and put it in the well. She could hear the sound very well. If a small stone could make this much of sound, her attempt may cause a heavy noise. While she was experimenting with the stone, the kitten kept watching her and it seemed to be more curious to know what is happening there in the well.

With the stone, she couldn't perceive the depth of water in the well and finally she decided to leave the well.  As she could see the first rays of the sun on the eastern horizon, she hurried towards the pond at the corner of the courtyard, where amble water is there for her to be drowned. Even after her leaving the well, the kitten was peculiar to see what is inside the well. Finding her leaving the place, the kitten climbed on top of the wall of the well as if it is doing a great thing. With the very first flakes of light on earth, the kitten was surprised to see another kitten in the well, but the vision was not clear. Yet, it understood the reason of the girl threw stone to the well. The animal was not ready to accept the failure like the girl. It intensely wanted to defeat its counterpart in the well. During this time, she was descending through the steps of the pond and simultaneously the clock of her mom’s room made the alarm at 5 am. Without knowing her mom waking up, she proceeded towards the pond, but the sudden noise made both the girl and her mom astounded. Suddenly her mom came out of the house and saw the kitten standing on top of the wall. “What are you doing here? How did you come out? Why did you throw bucket in the well? Who opened the front door?”With numerous questions without a cease, the kitten seemed to be frightened. Looking at the scared pet, the woman took it within her hands.  Holding the kitten, the woman looked at the well. The kitten also could see the well. "Oops!! The kitten seen in the well is still there!!!". It was a shock to the kitten. Its attempt to kill the enemy present in the well has failed. The animal felt that "I will never be able to kill that enemy as there is someone else is there with it". In a deep routed disappointment, the kitten cuddled towards the woman. While coddling the pet, the woman repeated the question, who opened the front door? With disappointed eyes, the kitten looked towards the pond, from where the girl was returning.


Mission of her life

“There is a solution for every problem. Then why did she do this? She was only twenty one”.  Her aunt was busy in discussing about the latest suicide victim in the neighborhood with her friends. “Aunt, what is meant by suicide?” The six year old was curious about the hottest piece of news she ever came across in her entire life. From the ongoing discussion, she could know that it is not a good thing and the woman should not have done this. As she didn't get the attention from the elders, she repeated her question. “Keep quiet and go inside”, this time her aunt didn't choose to waste a single second to answer. The disappointed girl went inside with thousands of knocks of a single question, but none opened the way for a satisfactory answer. As always her grandpa was her final solution. “Dear, suicide is death. The person who commits suicide kills himself or herself”. That reply seemed quite satisfactory, but it inflamed several sub questions in her mind, which she thought will never have an answer.

‘Happy Birthday to you’, she was enjoying the warmth and beauty of the bright and beautiful circle at the eastern horizon when she heard this wish. Her grandpa was cheerful and had a small packet of gift in his hand. “Oh, today is my birthday, Grandpa, I would like to give chocolates to all my friends” she pleaded while she was being kissed by her dear grandpa. “Yes darling, today you are completing six years in your life and I will get chocolates for all your friends and teachers.  Get ready by the time I bring chocolates”. On the way to the toilet, she tried to remember the number of times sun passed over her head. She couldn't count it with her little knowledge in numbers, but she could conclude one thing that she lived for many days. Like every other day, her birthday also was a very common day except her giving chocolates to her friends. In the evening, while doing home work, she counted the numbers till ten and found that six is a big number in the family of one to ten. Now, I am six years old and so, I am a big girl.

“As I am a big girl in six years, twenty one surely must be much bigger age. The suicide victim of the neighborhood was twenty one and could have watched the sun passing over her head much larger times”, she thought. She couldn't understand the reason of the “why factor” in the death as twenty one was a big number for her very small intellect. ‘Grandpa, when should a person die?’ one of the sub questions that haunted her mind since the day of suicide discussion came out in an evening.
‘’There is no exact answer for that question. Normally a person dies when he or she complete his or her mission in life”.

What is the mission of my life?

Being the eldest daughter of this family, taking care of your brothers is your mission.
Those words gave her a new light in life.

One evening, on the way back from school, she saw her mother waiting outside for someone. She was weeping and the girl was curious to know the reason of her mother’s sorrow. “Your young brother has fallen from the tree while playing and your father took him to the hospital” her mother was so sad that she didn't even forget to take care of the girl.  The girl thus understood the seriousness and she remembered her grandpa’s words and thus ran towards the hospital. On the way, she saw her father returning, while her brother was admitted in the hospital. The news brought by her father was heartbreaking. Her brother lost his eye sight at the age of four and he can see only if somebody donates eyes.

“Being the eldest daughter of this family, taking care of your brothers is your mission.” Those words wandered around her and she wanted to rescue her brother from this misfortune. “Grandpa, how can a person donate eyes?” she approached her encyclopedia as usual. The encyclopedia seemed very sad while answering.

 “A person has to die to donate eyes and a living person cannot do that and so, we must wait for someone to die for your brother to see again.” 

On the way back, she recalled the mission of her life and then walked towards the building from where the twenty one year old woman jumped to commit suicide. She wanted to see the sun once again before she closed her eyes for the last time, but sun was nowhere in the sky at that night. Instead, the moon smiled at her and she was happy. After a month, her eyes opened once again on her brother’s face to see the beauty of this world.


An expression of thanks

Running towards the mango that has fallen from the tree, her only wish was to get that fruit before all her friends and cousins who were waiting to get it. Owing to the intensity of her desire, she hurried to reach the mango first and took it in her hand and she could become a success. Once she made sure that the mango is completely in her hand and no one else has claim on the fruit, she looked around to see the reaction of her friends. While most of them were giving an envious look, a very few of them expected her to be sympathetic and share the mango of which she is the sole owner. Without revealing her exact intention about the mango, she walked towards the pond to wash the mango. On her way to the pond, she could not abstain herself from looking at the nook of the coconut tree near the mango tree. The squirrel was not there, she stared at it once again to check whether any of the infant squirrels could be seen. For her disappointment, none was there. They must have been sleeping she thought, they also could have been afraid to come out as she and her peers were making noise around.  

Though she wanted to swallow the mango as such, she decided to share the mango with her little brother and a few of her friends who gave her the submissive look. With this in mind, she walked to the kitchen to get the knife to cut the fruit. All of a sudden everything happened; the mango she kept within her hand was robbed by her cousin. Being a girl, four years younger to the robber, what she could do was to cry. She screamed to call attention of her mother, grandmother and aunt. While they arriving the scene, the robber finished swallowing the mango completely and looked at her as if she is a fool. Her grandmother tried to console her and warned the little robber not to repeat it again. After some times, she returned to join her friends who were waiting for the mango tree to bless them with another mango. She joined them and prayed with her full strength and heart for the next mango to fall. Though the mango tree was magnanimous enough to answer her prayers, her friends didn't show that courtesy to share the sweetness of the fruit with her.

After awaiting a lot, she finally decided to return with empty hands as her mother was calling her for lunch. Even during the lunch, her mind was roaming around the mango tree. It’s more than a month since the school is closed for vacation and till today she couldn't have even a single mango. “Today, I will surely will get a mango and will share it with my cute little brother” she decided. She skipped her religious class to fulfill her wish and stayed at home when all others left for attending the vacation classes in the church. She made her way to the mango tree just after she could switch the attention of her mother and grandmother. Sitting alone under the mango tree in one of the hottest noon times of the day was not easy, yet she waited there dreaming of the mango that will have no one else even to look at. She looked up to find ripe mango on the tree. After searching a lot, she could find one mango that was fully ripe. It had a slight yellow color.

As she was the only person around, she was relaxed and so visited the coconut tree to see whether the squirrel and her infants are there or not. Adding her curiosity, none of them were seen anywhere near the coconut tree. As she was waiting for the beautiful yellow mango to come down, she couldn't afford to search around to find the squirrel family and she waited patiently under the mango tree. Spending a monotonous hour under the mango tree, she prayed to the mango tree to give her that ripe mango as a gift. After the prayer, when she looked up to see the mango once again, she saw the mother squirrel approaching her mango. With the excitement offered by the reappearance of the squirrel, she even forgot the mango for which she waited more than an hour. But the magnanimous mango tree, who was watching the girl waiting since the sun reached upon its head didn't forget and it slowly untied the yellow color fruit to make it reach the ground.

Shifting her look from the squirrel to the ground where the mango was set down, she ran towards the mango and bent herself to get the mango in her hand. With an unexplained joy, she took the mango in her hand. While returning to her normal position, she saw the squirrel who reached down through the trunk of the tree, was looking at her. She couldn't understand the feeling carried by that look. After a few moments of silence, the squirrel returned to the tree…. She looked at the mango in her hand and shifted her look to the mango tree where there were no more ripe fruits. While looking at it, she now saw the faces of those squirrel infants than the face of her cute little brother. This thought made her hands leave that mango and she withdrew from the scene. The squirrel was very quick to reach the mango and took hold of it. On her way back to the coconut tree, the mother squirrel stopped her way in the middle for a while and looked at her once again. The girl now could understand the meaning of the expression in the face of the squirrel. Surely it must have been a thanks. 


The guitar

She tried to play her new guitar once again….She loved it very much, the color, the texture, the sound…..everything on the guitar fascinated her very much. She felt proud of herself being the only owner of that lovely guitar. It was her first night of owning a guitar. ‘First night’ she whispered the phrase repeatedly while looking at it. With her guitar placed on her lap, she couldn't sleep and then she realized that how intensely she desired to have this. She waited for the sun to rise soon, so that she can go to join the music school. She wanted to learn very fast to play this guitar. She dreamt of herself being a very well known musician across the world. With her eyes focused on the guitar, she saw the face of her grandpa who gifted her with this beautiful instrument. She was really thankful to God for having her loving grandpa. God cannot show injustice to anyone in all aspects. When all others forgot to love her, the Almighty kept open the door of his love through her grandfather. Leaving the new guitar on the bed, she went to her grandfather’s room. He was sleeping there. Without disturbing both her grandparents, she made a seat in between her grandpa and grandma, where she enjoyed the safety that was not present anywhere else in this world. As often, she didn't want to wake up early in the morning. While cuddling towards her grandpa, she remembered about the guitar and then was quick to get ready. Her grandpa also got ready soon and on the way she congratulated herself once again for owning the instrument. The first class in the music school went very well where she even forgot all the sufferings that made her buy this guitar. Now it is the interest to learn music that led her, not any revenge that held her happiness. Her grandpa also advised her not to keep any vengeance in heart as it is like a slow poison that will eat slowly from toe to head. Though her wounded heart chose to disagree, she didn't reply to her grandpa’s advice. While returning back to home, she tried to recall the moments that made her wish to learn music very strong.

“Don’t touch that, you need to be gifted even to touch it”. Receding hand was the first response from her. She did it even before looking at the source of this command. Only after a few vapid moments, she could look at the person who prevented her from touching that beautiful guitar. It was teacher Sheela, the music teacher of her school, who always denied her chances to sing in the class hour. Being a ten year old girl, she didn't understand the reason for her teacher to deny her the opportunity to sing. With wet eyes, she slowly turned her face as if she was asking for the reason. Teacher Sheela didn't even show the courtesy to answer her voiceless question; instead she made the girl go out of the music room and closed the door. The girl wanted to cry, but she didn't as she promised herself not to cry anymore. Enough is enough; yet, she didn't want to leave this matter as such and decided to know the reason for this ignorance. With all the courage she could gather, she headed towards the staff room to meet the music teacher. It was the laughter of a group of teachers welcomed her while reaching the corridor of teacher’s room. The beautiful voice of the music teacher accompanied the laughter. The teacher was laughing at someone whose voice is bad. Suddenly the girl realized that they are discussing about her. “….and the funniest thing is she even cannot talk properly because of stammering yet she wants to sing….She is a real burden that is here to waste my time”. The teacher couldn't control her excitement even in the class room and she teased the girl in front of her classmates. The behavior of the teacher pained her friends more than her and her close friend was very quick to reply. “If she cannot sing vocal, it is better to teach her instruments”. As in the case of every other appeal raised by the powerless, those words also didn't inflame a healthy answer.

Being a bright student in the music school, she became her teacher’s pet and within a week she learnt to play all the seven fundamental music notes in the traditional music system.  In next six months, she learnt to play guitar along the vocal track. One day, her music teacher asked whether she can produce vocal alongside the rhythm of the instrument. Till that day, her only platform in vocal was her bathroom and it remained so until that very day. With the curse of stammering in her tongue, she never even thought of producing vocal music in public, but her teacher was confident. “If music has a place in your heart, it will surely come out of your mouth. Music is a heavenly gift, you proved that your fingers are gifted and now prove it with your tongue”. The words kept echoing in her years and she tried to sing for the first time in front of her music teacher, but it was not a success. That was another sleepless night for her and the next day, the first thing in the morning was to sit before God. While closing eyes, she felt a pressure coming out of her mouth. She took her guitar and started playing it…..She was not sure which song was she playing……She was not conscious on those moments and on finishing her prayer she opened her eyes to see her parents, grandparents,  uncles, aunts, brothers and cousins were looking at her in surprise. All seemed to be really happy. In those unconscious moments, she sang “thirunamakeerthanam……..”  Her grandpa embraced her and said “I am proud of you my child”. Her parents kissed her. It was the most memorable day in her life. She still value that day than the talent day of her school that announced her as the best singer and the best guitar player in the school. 


Jisha Jagadeesh

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It's Me The Miracle by Jisha Jagadeesh is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License