A failed attempt

A pair of eyes was observing her as she moved towards the door leaving the bed.  She looked at the clock that showed half past two. Though confused, she opened door with all the gathered courage and went out. Before heading towards the deep well in the courtyard, she made sure that no voice is heard from the house where her family was in sound sleep.  She closed the door without making sound. While advancing towards the well, she felt that somebody passed across at the back from left to right.  With an inherent fear, she stopped moving and looked around. Was it mom, dad or brother? She landed herself in dilemma and decided to return.  With no sound, she slowly opened the door and went to mom’s room. She was sleeping. First time in her life she felt that her mother is very beautiful. Dad was nowhere to be seen. Was it dad? A sudden glimpse of thought appeared in her mind. Carrying the stress, she left the room to the drawing room where she saw her dad sleeping on the sofa. Thank God, she was relieved and slowly moved towards her brother’s room. He was sleeping on his study table without even removing his specs. She gently touched his fore head, removed his specs and books to make his sleep comfortable. After switching off the light, she went to the kitchen and took a bottle of water from the refrigerator and drank from it. While closing the refrigerator, suddenly she heard a fluffy voice: voice of the one who possess those bright pair of eyes.

She looked at the pet and realized that it was the kitten that made her come back from the well.  In spite of her dashing hopes, she was thankful to the kitten as she could see her parents and brother once again for the last time. While she took the kitty with both the hands, the pet tried to cuddle towards her bosom. Without entertaining the attempt, she kissed the kitten and left it on the ground. The warm drop of tear that fell on her hands while leaving the kitten, made her realize that she was crying. The kitten looked at her eyes once again as if it asks whether everything is alright. When she sought to leave with no answer towards the door, the pet poked on her feet. The kitty was trying to convey something, but with not much time for the dawn, she left it in the kitchen and headed towards the door. Once again she opened the door without making noise and slowly walked towards the well.  Though dark, she could catch every part of the courtyard very well with the presence of the crescent in the sky. She reached the well and gazed at the water inside the well. The water is at a great depth. Rejecting the temptation for a second thought, she mounted on the wall of the well. While she was about to leap, suddenly the kitten whooshed from behind. In astonishment, she looked behind to see the kitten.

“I made you sit inside the kitchen and locked the door, then how did you come out?” she asked in a low voice. The kitten looked at the kitchen window as if it is answering. “Now you go back and sleep, it’s too late”. The kitten stayed there without giving attention to her words. It seemed to be curious at her unusual conduct and kept staring at her with occasional meows. She looked at the kitten and put her finger across the lips to make it silent, but the kitten kept meowing. During this time, the second thought entered into her brain without permission. If the kitten keeps meowing like this, it may wake her parents and then they may hear the sound of her leap in the well. Also, there is a chance of the well may not have enough water for her to be drowned. If there is not enough water to die, it will be difficult to get out of the well and finally might land in absolute failure. As a result of the second thought, she pulled herself back from the well. She took a small stone from the courtyard and put it in the well. She could hear the sound very well. If a small stone could make this much of sound, her attempt may cause a heavy noise. While she was experimenting with the stone, the kitten kept watching her and it seemed to be more curious to know what is happening there in the well.

With the stone, she couldn't perceive the depth of water in the well and finally she decided to leave the well.  As she could see the first rays of the sun on the eastern horizon, she hurried towards the pond at the corner of the courtyard, where amble water is there for her to be drowned. Even after her leaving the well, the kitten was peculiar to see what is inside the well. Finding her leaving the place, the kitten climbed on top of the wall of the well as if it is doing a great thing. With the very first flakes of light on earth, the kitten was surprised to see another kitten in the well, but the vision was not clear. Yet, it understood the reason of the girl threw stone to the well. The animal was not ready to accept the failure like the girl. It intensely wanted to defeat its counterpart in the well. During this time, she was descending through the steps of the pond and simultaneously the clock of her mom’s room made the alarm at 5 am. Without knowing her mom waking up, she proceeded towards the pond, but the sudden noise made both the girl and her mom astounded. Suddenly her mom came out of the house and saw the kitten standing on top of the wall. “What are you doing here? How did you come out? Why did you throw bucket in the well? Who opened the front door?”With numerous questions without a cease, the kitten seemed to be frightened. Looking at the scared pet, the woman took it within her hands.  Holding the kitten, the woman looked at the well. The kitten also could see the well. "Oops!! The kitten seen in the well is still there!!!". It was a shock to the kitten. Its attempt to kill the enemy present in the well has failed. The animal felt that "I will never be able to kill that enemy as there is someone else is there with it". In a deep routed disappointment, the kitten cuddled towards the woman. While coddling the pet, the woman repeated the question, who opened the front door? With disappointed eyes, the kitten looked towards the pond, from where the girl was returning.


Mission of her life

“There is a solution for every problem. Then why did she do this? She was only twenty one”.  Her aunt was busy in discussing about the latest suicide victim in the neighborhood with her friends. “Aunt, what is meant by suicide?” The six year old was curious about the hottest piece of news she ever came across in her entire life. From the ongoing discussion, she could know that it is not a good thing and the woman should not have done this. As she didn't get the attention from the elders, she repeated her question. “Keep quiet and go inside”, this time her aunt didn't choose to waste a single second to answer. The disappointed girl went inside with thousands of knocks of a single question, but none opened the way for a satisfactory answer. As always her grandpa was her final solution. “Dear, suicide is death. The person who commits suicide kills himself or herself”. That reply seemed quite satisfactory, but it inflamed several sub questions in her mind, which she thought will never have an answer.

‘Happy Birthday to you’, she was enjoying the warmth and beauty of the bright and beautiful circle at the eastern horizon when she heard this wish. Her grandpa was cheerful and had a small packet of gift in his hand. “Oh, today is my birthday, Grandpa, I would like to give chocolates to all my friends” she pleaded while she was being kissed by her dear grandpa. “Yes darling, today you are completing six years in your life and I will get chocolates for all your friends and teachers.  Get ready by the time I bring chocolates”. On the way to the toilet, she tried to remember the number of times sun passed over her head. She couldn't count it with her little knowledge in numbers, but she could conclude one thing that she lived for many days. Like every other day, her birthday also was a very common day except her giving chocolates to her friends. In the evening, while doing home work, she counted the numbers till ten and found that six is a big number in the family of one to ten. Now, I am six years old and so, I am a big girl.

“As I am a big girl in six years, twenty one surely must be much bigger age. The suicide victim of the neighborhood was twenty one and could have watched the sun passing over her head much larger times”, she thought. She couldn't understand the reason of the “why factor” in the death as twenty one was a big number for her very small intellect. ‘Grandpa, when should a person die?’ one of the sub questions that haunted her mind since the day of suicide discussion came out in an evening.
‘’There is no exact answer for that question. Normally a person dies when he or she complete his or her mission in life”.

What is the mission of my life?

Being the eldest daughter of this family, taking care of your brothers is your mission.
Those words gave her a new light in life.

One evening, on the way back from school, she saw her mother waiting outside for someone. She was weeping and the girl was curious to know the reason of her mother’s sorrow. “Your young brother has fallen from the tree while playing and your father took him to the hospital” her mother was so sad that she didn't even forget to take care of the girl.  The girl thus understood the seriousness and she remembered her grandpa’s words and thus ran towards the hospital. On the way, she saw her father returning, while her brother was admitted in the hospital. The news brought by her father was heartbreaking. Her brother lost his eye sight at the age of four and he can see only if somebody donates eyes.

“Being the eldest daughter of this family, taking care of your brothers is your mission.” Those words wandered around her and she wanted to rescue her brother from this misfortune. “Grandpa, how can a person donate eyes?” she approached her encyclopedia as usual. The encyclopedia seemed very sad while answering.

 “A person has to die to donate eyes and a living person cannot do that and so, we must wait for someone to die for your brother to see again.” 

On the way back, she recalled the mission of her life and then walked towards the building from where the twenty one year old woman jumped to commit suicide. She wanted to see the sun once again before she closed her eyes for the last time, but sun was nowhere in the sky at that night. Instead, the moon smiled at her and she was happy. After a month, her eyes opened once again on her brother’s face to see the beauty of this world.


An expression of thanks

Running towards the mango that has fallen from the tree, her only wish was to get that fruit before all her friends and cousins who were waiting to get it. Owing to the intensity of her desire, she hurried to reach the mango first and took it in her hand and she could become a success. Once she made sure that the mango is completely in her hand and no one else has claim on the fruit, she looked around to see the reaction of her friends. While most of them were giving an envious look, a very few of them expected her to be sympathetic and share the mango of which she is the sole owner. Without revealing her exact intention about the mango, she walked towards the pond to wash the mango. On her way to the pond, she could not abstain herself from looking at the nook of the coconut tree near the mango tree. The squirrel was not there, she stared at it once again to check whether any of the infant squirrels could be seen. For her disappointment, none was there. They must have been sleeping she thought, they also could have been afraid to come out as she and her peers were making noise around.  

Though she wanted to swallow the mango as such, she decided to share the mango with her little brother and a few of her friends who gave her the submissive look. With this in mind, she walked to the kitchen to get the knife to cut the fruit. All of a sudden everything happened; the mango she kept within her hand was robbed by her cousin. Being a girl, four years younger to the robber, what she could do was to cry. She screamed to call attention of her mother, grandmother and aunt. While they arriving the scene, the robber finished swallowing the mango completely and looked at her as if she is a fool. Her grandmother tried to console her and warned the little robber not to repeat it again. After some times, she returned to join her friends who were waiting for the mango tree to bless them with another mango. She joined them and prayed with her full strength and heart for the next mango to fall. Though the mango tree was magnanimous enough to answer her prayers, her friends didn't show that courtesy to share the sweetness of the fruit with her.

After awaiting a lot, she finally decided to return with empty hands as her mother was calling her for lunch. Even during the lunch, her mind was roaming around the mango tree. It’s more than a month since the school is closed for vacation and till today she couldn't have even a single mango. “Today, I will surely will get a mango and will share it with my cute little brother” she decided. She skipped her religious class to fulfill her wish and stayed at home when all others left for attending the vacation classes in the church. She made her way to the mango tree just after she could switch the attention of her mother and grandmother. Sitting alone under the mango tree in one of the hottest noon times of the day was not easy, yet she waited there dreaming of the mango that will have no one else even to look at. She looked up to find ripe mango on the tree. After searching a lot, she could find one mango that was fully ripe. It had a slight yellow color.

As she was the only person around, she was relaxed and so visited the coconut tree to see whether the squirrel and her infants are there or not. Adding her curiosity, none of them were seen anywhere near the coconut tree. As she was waiting for the beautiful yellow mango to come down, she couldn't afford to search around to find the squirrel family and she waited patiently under the mango tree. Spending a monotonous hour under the mango tree, she prayed to the mango tree to give her that ripe mango as a gift. After the prayer, when she looked up to see the mango once again, she saw the mother squirrel approaching her mango. With the excitement offered by the reappearance of the squirrel, she even forgot the mango for which she waited more than an hour. But the magnanimous mango tree, who was watching the girl waiting since the sun reached upon its head didn't forget and it slowly untied the yellow color fruit to make it reach the ground.

Shifting her look from the squirrel to the ground where the mango was set down, she ran towards the mango and bent herself to get the mango in her hand. With an unexplained joy, she took the mango in her hand. While returning to her normal position, she saw the squirrel who reached down through the trunk of the tree, was looking at her. She couldn't understand the feeling carried by that look. After a few moments of silence, the squirrel returned to the tree…. She looked at the mango in her hand and shifted her look to the mango tree where there were no more ripe fruits. While looking at it, she now saw the faces of those squirrel infants than the face of her cute little brother. This thought made her hands leave that mango and she withdrew from the scene. The squirrel was very quick to reach the mango and took hold of it. On her way back to the coconut tree, the mother squirrel stopped her way in the middle for a while and looked at her once again. The girl now could understand the meaning of the expression in the face of the squirrel. Surely it must have been a thanks. 


The guitar

She tried to play her new guitar once again….She loved it very much, the color, the texture, the sound…..everything on the guitar fascinated her very much. She felt proud of herself being the only owner of that lovely guitar. It was her first night of owning a guitar. ‘First night’ she whispered the phrase repeatedly while looking at it. With her guitar placed on her lap, she couldn't sleep and then she realized that how intensely she desired to have this. She waited for the sun to rise soon, so that she can go to join the music school. She wanted to learn very fast to play this guitar. She dreamt of herself being a very well known musician across the world. With her eyes focused on the guitar, she saw the face of her grandpa who gifted her with this beautiful instrument. She was really thankful to God for having her loving grandpa. God cannot show injustice to anyone in all aspects. When all others forgot to love her, the Almighty kept open the door of his love through her grandfather. Leaving the new guitar on the bed, she went to her grandfather’s room. He was sleeping there. Without disturbing both her grandparents, she made a seat in between her grandpa and grandma, where she enjoyed the safety that was not present anywhere else in this world. As often, she didn't want to wake up early in the morning. While cuddling towards her grandpa, she remembered about the guitar and then was quick to get ready. Her grandpa also got ready soon and on the way she congratulated herself once again for owning the instrument. The first class in the music school went very well where she even forgot all the sufferings that made her buy this guitar. Now it is the interest to learn music that led her, not any revenge that held her happiness. Her grandpa also advised her not to keep any vengeance in heart as it is like a slow poison that will eat slowly from toe to head. Though her wounded heart chose to disagree, she didn't reply to her grandpa’s advice. While returning back to home, she tried to recall the moments that made her wish to learn music very strong.

“Don’t touch that, you need to be gifted even to touch it”. Receding hand was the first response from her. She did it even before looking at the source of this command. Only after a few vapid moments, she could look at the person who prevented her from touching that beautiful guitar. It was teacher Sheela, the music teacher of her school, who always denied her chances to sing in the class hour. Being a ten year old girl, she didn't understand the reason for her teacher to deny her the opportunity to sing. With wet eyes, she slowly turned her face as if she was asking for the reason. Teacher Sheela didn't even show the courtesy to answer her voiceless question; instead she made the girl go out of the music room and closed the door. The girl wanted to cry, but she didn't as she promised herself not to cry anymore. Enough is enough; yet, she didn't want to leave this matter as such and decided to know the reason for this ignorance. With all the courage she could gather, she headed towards the staff room to meet the music teacher. It was the laughter of a group of teachers welcomed her while reaching the corridor of teacher’s room. The beautiful voice of the music teacher accompanied the laughter. The teacher was laughing at someone whose voice is bad. Suddenly the girl realized that they are discussing about her. “….and the funniest thing is she even cannot talk properly because of stammering yet she wants to sing….She is a real burden that is here to waste my time”. The teacher couldn't control her excitement even in the class room and she teased the girl in front of her classmates. The behavior of the teacher pained her friends more than her and her close friend was very quick to reply. “If she cannot sing vocal, it is better to teach her instruments”. As in the case of every other appeal raised by the powerless, those words also didn't inflame a healthy answer.

Being a bright student in the music school, she became her teacher’s pet and within a week she learnt to play all the seven fundamental music notes in the traditional music system.  In next six months, she learnt to play guitar along the vocal track. One day, her music teacher asked whether she can produce vocal alongside the rhythm of the instrument. Till that day, her only platform in vocal was her bathroom and it remained so until that very day. With the curse of stammering in her tongue, she never even thought of producing vocal music in public, but her teacher was confident. “If music has a place in your heart, it will surely come out of your mouth. Music is a heavenly gift, you proved that your fingers are gifted and now prove it with your tongue”. The words kept echoing in her years and she tried to sing for the first time in front of her music teacher, but it was not a success. That was another sleepless night for her and the next day, the first thing in the morning was to sit before God. While closing eyes, she felt a pressure coming out of her mouth. She took her guitar and started playing it…..She was not sure which song was she playing……She was not conscious on those moments and on finishing her prayer she opened her eyes to see her parents, grandparents,  uncles, aunts, brothers and cousins were looking at her in surprise. All seemed to be really happy. In those unconscious moments, she sang “thirunamakeerthanam……..”  Her grandpa embraced her and said “I am proud of you my child”. Her parents kissed her. It was the most memorable day in her life. She still value that day than the talent day of her school that announced her as the best singer and the best guitar player in the school. 


Origin of an unending stream

Terrified by the anger in her mother’s face, the girl ran to the courtyard. Her stomach was still trying to call her attention with small sounds as she was hungry. She hated her disobedient stomach who does not understand that the fruits and sweets stored in the fridge are not for her. Sickened by that truth, she ran out of the house where nobody will listen her crying. As always, she ran towards the steps that led the way to the pond. She wanted to scream to the world that ‘I am hungry’, but she didn't. Instead she sobbed without producing sound. Though, she didn't make noise, all the small fishes and tadpoles gathered at the side of the pond to see whether she is alright or not. The small movements in the water invited her eyes to the water, where she could see the image of full moon in it. The sight of the moon appeared in the pond seemed to be blurred. The tears that bristled from her eyes made the image vaguer and she tried to wipe her face to dry the tears, so that she can see the reflection of the moon clearly. Sooner she wanted to remove water from her eyes; it became wet as she couldn't control the flow of her tears. ‘You are a thief’, these words were repeatedly echoing in her eyes in her mother’s voice.

After a long hour of clock time, she could feel that the pain and sorrow she had were not concentrated as it was. The tears that flew from her eyes diluted her grief and now she looked at the moon. The moon was looking at her with a smiling face. Looking at the moon, she saw several black spots in that beautiful smiling face. She imagined it could be the marks of tears that flew from the eyes of the moon. She wanted to return the smile to the moon as she always used with all the smiling faces, but this time she was not successful. The fishes and tadpoles in the pond seemed to be relaxed a bit as she was returning to normal and stopped crying. The meeting seemed to be dispersed from one side of the step and they started moving around the pond. Some of them tried to dance in the water for entertaining her as they always used to be, but she was looking at the moon. Yet they didn't leave her alone and waited for her to leave the steps. They were confused as she continued to sit there as it was getting late night.

Being a six year old girl, the full moon was not a routine sight for her. The sights such as full moon and the lights of airplanes in the sky still amused her with the same intensity of her watching a long train and serene paddy fields. The terms sea and beach were still remained as only information and her most cherished desire was to rest on the white sand of the beach looking at the beauty of the blue sky and the lustrous moon. She envied to her friends who were blessed to enjoy this beautiful experience. Listening to the words of her friends, she always wished to see the full moon to relish its stunning appearance, but today when her imagery became real, she was crying. Looking at the moon, she sensed a feeling of consolation. The moon seemed to ask her the reason for her tears. In fact she wanted to share her pain to somebody who can console her heart and without thinking much she decided to share her story with the moon. While looking at the bright face of the moon, she felt it as if it is someone really close to her heart and she called the circle shaped entity as uncle moon.

Dear uncle moon, I am a six year old girl. I am the only daughter of a big family; I am loved by everyone in this house except my mother. I have two brothers and a large number of cousins, all are boys.  Though, I don’t know the exact reasons I was denied mother’s milk from the very first day of my arrival on earth. I was thrown to this pond when I was 7 months old by my own mother. Since that day, all the fishes and tadpoles love me a lot and they cannot see me crying. My mother always used to feed my brothers with the best food, in front of me, while I was given food with the house maid. Today, being hungry I tried to eat a banana from the fruit box. For taking a very small banana, my mother slapped me at my face and called me ‘the thief’. She made me return that banana and was given to my brother who threw it to the waste basket. Dear uncle moon, I am hungry…I am very hungry…I want to eat something. I have seen my mother loving my brothers. I also have seen my aunts loving my cousins. All my friends, though girls are blessed with the unconditional love of their mothers. Why not me? Why am I being sidelined? What is my mistake? Am I a sinner? I love her very much, but she hates my love.

My mother wants me to study and take care of her when I grow up….even I want to do it, but to grow up; I need her love as a plant needs water and manure to grow. I am being denied both…..Oh my dear uncle moon….What should I do…..Listening at the depth of her pain, the moon concealed its face behind the clouds that passed. It could not hear her words anymore. Looking at the sky, she couldn't spot the exact place of the moon, but there was light in the sky. She looked at the pond. The blurred light of the sky showed its reflection in the water. Comforted by the presence of the moon, she stepped down to the water and walked slowly to the center of the pond to reach the place where she saw the image of the moon. Suddenly the moon appeared again and she was quick to reach it….The image of the moon seen in the water didn't have any black spots in it. Now she was sure that moon is very happy to receive her as its own. The fishes and tadpoles were also very happy to receive their beloved as their own forever. Next evening, there was a celebration in the pond hosted by the fishes and the tadpoles with the girl as their chief guest. All of them were happy and the moon was smiling from the sky with its refection taking part on the celebration. The water drops in the pond was sprinkled around with the enthusiastic movements of the fishes, when a stream of warm water was still flowing from the eyes of a woman who loved the girl very much.


I couldn't be your best friend

Idiot, Ignorant, uninformed, uneducated….It seemed the teacher was researching for adjectives to explain my personality in the first day of my college. Even though, the attire of the class seemed to be approving those words I couldn't understand the meaning of any of those words. To me, those adjectives were similar to the botanical terms taught by the teacher a few minutes ago. The facial expression of teacher and the loud laughter from the rest of the class, I could understand one thing, I am being insulted. The teacher continued to speak in English staring at me; I was not sure whether she was teaching, asking question or abusing me. Each of her word inflamed laughter in the class and seventy nine pairs of eyes and seventy nine pairs of hands assisted the teacher to tease me. I found myself as a tiny island in the ocean, where ships and boats never thought of putting in, but I was surprised to see that there was not a single drop of tear in both my eyes. It infuriated the teacher and she shouted ‘get out’. From her posture with fingers pointing towards the door, I understood that she wants me to go out of the class.

My mind appeared like a white paper where there was not a single bit of thought was available. The colorful walls and the beautiful garden of my college seemed like a black and white film. Each student in the science block stared at me as if I am an alien. I wanted to escape to a place where at least one person knows my language. I ran to the humanities block where all my friends study, but all of them were in the class, enjoying their fist day at college. I tried to poke the attention of my friend who was sitting near the window, but was with no success, as she was deeply involved in the lecture of the teacher who was explaining the freedom struggle of India in Malayalam language. Sad, insulted, frustrated, forsaken, tired…I counted these adjectives as ineffective to explain my state of my mind.

I was afraid to return to the science block where I appeared like a lonely aborigine sitting among the class society. An unexplained spirit in me, directed my path from the science block towards the students center,where lazy girls engage themselves in unwanted chats. The soft and beautiful red carpet on the way, formed by the fallen flowers of the bigger trees in the campus appeared like mats of fire to me. I forgot to relish the nice flowers in the botanical garden which attracted me deeply on the day when I came there for the first time to take admission. I was lost, lost in my own ignorance, the ultimate ignorance of English language. I could not count myself as a poor little girl who hated the entire world for her not knowing English; instead I counted myself as a person who stands at the end of life with no doors open except death. This thought assisted the flow of two streams from my eyes for the first time in last one hour. Being unsuccessful in wiping tears, I saw several pairs of eyes staring at me, I tried to hide my face with my shawl. Suddenly I could see a pair of eyes that looked at me with sympathy.

I wanted to look at those eyes once again, but to save my face from the numerous pairs of eyes; I ran towards the gate and suddenly nature consoled me with rains. I cried a lot by hiding tears in the rain water. The bell rang two times after that, yet I didn't feel to return to my class. The third bell was for lunch break and I reached the humanities block by that time. The presence of my friends consoled me and I was given solace that washed all the sorrows from my heart. Like my guardian angels, my friends collectively decided to discuss my change from science group to humanities group with my parents. Wanting an escape, I also decided to agree with their suggestion and made my mother visit my college the next day to give application for the group change.

Everything went well and my mother reached the college to give application for the group change. I waited for the first period to begin, to buy the application form from the office, so that I can avoid the irritating looks of my classmates during the application process. As it was the class time, the corridor of the office block was empty and we were at peace in filling the application for group change. While writing, my mother looked at me with a lot of questions as she knew that science group was the real wish of my heart. I closed my eyes to avoid the reality and continued to fill the application form. Suddenly somebody touched my shoulder from behind and I turned my eyes to see the person. She was the owner of those beautiful pair of eyes that gave me a warm look of comfort and sympathy in those exploding moments of the previous day. ‘Are you changing the group?’ Yes, my mother was very quick to answer when I preferred to remain silent. The girl tried to tell me that it is not a wise decision, but her words could not pierce my heart, but she could convince my mother and could succeed in sending my mother back without giving the application.

The thought of me going back to that hell landed me in dilemma and I was compelled to go back to the same class and remained like an alien. Meeting my friends during lunch was the only consolation. The next day was the practical day and being a populous class with strength of eighty, everybody couldn't finish the practicals before lunch. The entire class had to wait for one more hour in the lab. When I left the lab, my friends had returned to their classes and I was all alone to have my lunch. Instead of going to the class room, I went to the student’s center to eat. While starting to eat, I heard a voice that asked ‘Do you mind sharing your lunch box?’ It was her, Gily, the girl who poured water on my comfort. "My lunch box has only two small loafs of bread and some butter. In fact I hate the combination and would like to eat rice and curry" she explained. Though, I didn't like sharing my lunch with a stranger, I said yes. She sat with me and ate from my box. She seemed eating as if she never saw rice and brinjal fry before that. Why there is no fish or meat, she asked? Even if I was surprised with her question, I answered that I am a vegetarian. After finishing my lunch box, she offered me her bread and butter. I ate a little from it. It was really tasty as the bread was toasted with butter and there was a small packet of Jam as well.

On the way back to our class, she talked about a lot of things; most of them were about Mohanlal and Mammootty, the renowned actors in the Malayalam film industry. But, she never mentioned even a single word about that incident or my decision for group change. The next day, she joined me while I was going to humanities class to meet my friends for lunch. It did not take long for our meetings to grow up as friendship. She became a member of our friendship group. Instead of revealing her exact persona of a girl who was borne and brought up in South Africa, she showed interests of a common Indian girl. She tried to adopt my interest as hers and thus I counted her as my best friend. In her company, I was being noted as one among the royals and she made me take part in the college elections and thus I became the representative of the entire first pre-degree batch. It added my confidence and I became a public figure in the college very soon, but my wounded heart refused to accept anyone else from the science group, as my friend. Days passed without asking permission and the arrival of first year exam was very quick. Thank God, I failed in all the papers other than Hindi, my second language.  Since that day, she became my teacher and she tried to help me understand the scientific concepts, but she was a failure.

In this while, she understood that my problem is language and she gifted me an English grammar book and a dictionary. On that day, she told me for the first time about the insult I had to face in the first day of college. She made me recall the pain I underwent that day. Getting good marks is the only answer for that insult. Her voice was bold while she was telling this to me. She helped me to complete my notes and showed me the way I can use the dictionary and grammar book to understand the science text books. It was a difficult task, yet I did it and could complete my portions before the exams. She made me by-heart the concepts which seemed impossible to understand. While I was preparing for the exams, even my mother was not confident of me passing the exams as I need to write the papers of both the years, but she was confident and she made me confident. I passed the exam which was like a surprise to my family and friends.

I returned to the same college for graduation expecting her as both of us promised each other. It was a rainy day, I brought her favorite brinjal fry in my lunch box, but she was not there in the first BSc chemistry. I could not even imagine her breaking promise and searched for her in other departments of science. Physics, zoology, botany, mathematics…she was nowhere. She returned to South Africa to stay with her family. All the saved tears since the day of me getting insulted started flowing like rivers. With me even the nature cried so that I didn't have to hide my tears as it flew together with the rain water.  The rain water had the same smell and spirit of the day I walked in rains for getting insulted. Rain lasted for two days and with these two days, I made up my mind to return to college with a fresh mind, though it was not easy.  I could command wide respect and acceptability among students and teachers, but I felt myself incomplete without her. Every day, my mind expected her return and brought a box full of variety dishes for her, but she didn't turn up. The first year exams were not difficult and we were planning to receive the new comers.

Being a member of the college union, I was busy behind the curtain when the principal announced the entrance of new batch BSc Chemistry students. I didn't give any particular attention to this announcement as I was assigned to take care of the students who were performing in the function, but, something stuck my heart at that moment and I felt that my friend and soul mate is somewhere around. My brain denied the chances and continued my work with the drama team. While the drama was performing on the stage, I could not control the overwhelming heart that believed Gily is in the new batch. As the drama finished, I ran to the hall and was surprised to see her among juniors. I shouted her name and she turned her beautiful face to give me a smile. With her hand she gave me a gesture of seeing me later. I accepted it and returned to the stage. After saying the vote of thanks, I directly went to the first year BSc class to meet her; she smiled at me and congratulated me for my performance on stage.

We met several times after that, but each meeting lacked a much needed ingredient- intimacy. She always was with her classmates and never came with me to have lunch. While completing my graduation, I went to her class to say good bye. She was in the chemistry lab so bade me good bye with gestures.  I understood one thing that I never could be her best friend even though she made herself my best friend. Since those days, I hated the brinjal fry which was a routine side dish of my lunch box, but I refused to hate her. I made myself believe that she must have been giving company to yet another insulted girl who wants to die or who wants to change the subject. But dear friend, to my mind, somewhere in the middle of a heavy rainfall, still there is a lonely girl and her friend who loves to eat brinjal fry and coconut chutney.  Sometimes, while sitting in solitude, I still hear the chat of both these girls, I still enjoy to listen their arguments about movies and novels, without disturbing those good friends!!!


Jisha Jagadeesh

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It's Me The Miracle by Jisha Jagadeesh is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License